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John decided scrape and paint the hull of his 21' foot wood cruiser. Not being sure how much paint to buy and knowing that Paul, a close friend who had the same size boat had recently painted his, he gave him a call.

"Paul," he said, "How many gallons of paint did you buy for your boat?" "Six," said Paul.

John went out and bought six gallons of paint but when the job was done he had two gallons left over!

Calling Paul again, "Paul," he said, "I bought six gallons of paint for my boat , but I've got two gallons left over."

"Yes," said Paul, "So did I."

A captain's wardrobe

One day, while sailing the seven seas, a look-out spotted a pirate ship, and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravo bellowed for his red shirt. The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, and, after donning the shirt, the captain led his crew into battle and defeated the pirates.

Later on, the look-out spotted not one, but two pirate ships. The captain again howled for his red shirt and once again vanquished the pirates. That evening, all the men sat around on the deck recounting the day's triumphs, and one of them asked the captain: "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before each battle?" The captain replied: "If I am wounded in the attack, my crew won't notice my bleeding and will continue to fight, unafraid." All of the men sat in silence and marveled at the courage of their captain.

As dawn came the next morning, the look-out spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirate ships approaching. The rank and file all stared at the captain and waited for his usual request. Captain Bravo calmly shouted: "Bring me my brown pants!"

Sailing Folklore

During the days when men and boys still sailed the seas on wooden war ships and both crew and vessel were built for heavy weather, it was necessary to keep a good supply of canon balls near the cannon. But how to prevent them from rolling about the deck, that was the problem. The best storage method devised was to stack them as a square based pyramid, with one ball on top, resting on four, resting on nine, which rested on sixteen. Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon.

There was only one problem -- how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding/rolling from under the others. The solution was a metal plate with 16 round indentations, called a Monkey. But if this plate was made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make Brass Monkeys.

Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled. Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannon balls would come right off the monkey. Thus, it was quite literally, cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey. And all this time, you thought that was a vulgar expression, didn't you?

One: Don't miss the boat.

Two: Remember that we are all in the same boat.

Three: Plan ahead. ! It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.

Four: Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.

Five: Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.

Six: Build your future on high ground.

Seven: For safety's sake, travel in pairs.

Eight: Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.

Nine: When you're stressed, float a while.

Ten: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.

Eleven: No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting.

NOW, wasn't that nice?

One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world at a depth of 20 feet. He noticed a guy at the same depth but he had on no SCUBA gear!

The diver went below another 20 feet, but the guy joined him.

The diver went below 25 feet more, and once again, the guy joined him. This confused the diver, so he took out his board and marker, and wrote, "How are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?"

The guy grabbed the board, quickly erased what the diver had written, and wrote, "I'M DROWNING, YOU MORON!!!"

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show:

"Look, it's not the same hat."

"Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table."

"Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades ?"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's parrot.

One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself adrift on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day, then another, and another.

After a week the parrot said: "OK, I give up. Where is the boat ?"

An old sea captain was sitting on a bench near the wharf when a young man walked up and sat down. The young man had spiked hair and each spike was a different color.... green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.

After a while the young man noticed that the captain was staring at him. "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?

The sailor walked into the galley and poured himself a cup of coffee. As he sipped it , he looked out the porthole and said, "It looks like rain."

Upset the cook yelled at the sailor, "For the last time, it's coffee!"